Being a recording of the oral history of the Klugie Group.

The earliest known photo of the Klugies. Date unknown.


The Klugie Group is shrouded in mystery. Its origins are known to us through scattered documents, references and stories told to frighten small children. And lies. Lots and lots of lies.

One story holds that The Klugie Group was founded in 1858 by prospectors mining for data in the Old West. Unsatisfied with merely sifting the archives with metal pans, they developed techniques to turn ordinary estimates into statistically significant estimates. This process was called cheating, and they were hanged for it.

For over a thousand generations, the Klugies were the guardians of data analysis in the Old Republic.Before the Dark Times. Before the "Party-Isn't-Important" Empire. (What, you think there couldn't be over a thousand generations since 1858. These were small generations. Very small. As small as the probability your vote will make a difference.)

The dark times began with the passing original Klugie E.E. Schattschneider. Where did his teachings go? (Glad you asked.)

A young Klugie named Darth Nader, who was a consumer advocate until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Klugies. He betrayed and murdered Uncle Schatt. Now the Klugies are all but extinct (but on the rise, just wait for the sequel).

Nader was seduced by the dark side of the Data.

The Data? (You ask such interesting leading questions.)

The Data is what gave the Klugies their power. It's an empirical field created by all living things. It surrounds us, it penetrates us. It binds the discipline together. And it has absolutely nothing to do with midicloriants.



Klugie Traditions:

  1. Once a quarter, the Klugies host an Open House in their office, Bunche 2165, attended by faculty and students throughout the department.
  2. When a Klugie takes his or her oral exam, that Klugie throws a party.
  3. When a Klugie files his or her dissertation, the Klugies throw a party for the new Ph.D.
  4. When a Klugie receives a Nobel Prize, the other Klugies look down their noses at the winner's grandstanding.
  5. Every year at APSA, the Klugies host a happy hour at a swanky hotel. All conference attendees are invited.
  6. Every year at MPSA, the Klugies gather in a pub and plot the overthrow of the world.